Tubefilter News

When Ninjas Attack is a passably alright show on Hulu, magically. Hulu seems to be doing a strange one-step-forward-two-steps-back thing with their original programming. Hulu could have been a big leader in quality programming and while it holds the licenses for many great TV shows (including but not limited to King Of The Hill, Peep Show, and personal guilty favorite Kitchen Nightmares), it seems to pick style over substance – even with its admittedly trashier shows. Has anybody watched the addicting yet Orwellian If I Can Dream? While you’re free to pick any camera in any room of the house the level of cleanliness in IICD makes it come off truly like a David Lynch movie. There’s little grit in what could be a very entertaining idea. Occasionally you see someone make a sandwich, and while I’m not asking for Celebrity Rehab levels of debauchery and self immolation, it’d be nice to watch the inhabitants arc go from point A to point B.

Which brings me to When Ninjas Attack, which is a farce in the loudest and not necessarily proudest sense of the word. I watched nearly a full season and was bored by the lack of original characters and obvious humor. Nothing clicked. The show seems to pride itself on its premise and its premise alone – because nothing happened. Really. It was like watching a slightly more entertaining fire hydrant. When you’re doing a send-off of ninjas (speaking of which, this has to be the fifth show I’ve watched having to do with ninjas – what’s with the crowding of the joke/genre?) and using the same old techniques and jokes in doing so (which the other four shows have done, too, to equally dubious degree), then what seems to happen is what my 8th grade P.E teacher hammered in so hard back in the day: if you put bullshit in, you’ll get bullshit out. It’s the same tired show I’ve seen time and time before. When Ninjas Attack needs to come up with some fresh ideas, because despite the obviously fun shoot and solid effort by the actors, it doesn’t add up to a quality show.

The latest installment of our weekly web series critic column Pass The Mustard. No sugar coating, no doublespeak, no hand holding. Just brutally honest reactions from one guy: Ned Hepburn. We’ll throw a handful of web series at him each week. Agree, disagree, love him, hate him, but please don’t punch him. Got something clever to say in retort? Leave a comment below. He’ll probably read it and embarrass you later. His opinions are his own, so take them or leave them. See last week’s column here.]

The Annoying Orange

Are you high or 14 years old? Do you live in the suburbs? It’s completely fucking absurd – like, X-Files absurd – that this series has over 20 million hits. That must mean that Satan is on his way. This is the kind of thing that the movie Idiocracy predicted. This is pure, pure unfunny highly concentrated, in droplet form, just purely nonsensical riffing from an Annoying Orange. It’s either high concept art or it’s just plain terrible. It made me want to drink alone on a balcony overlooking the city, listening to sad bastard music, wondering “Is this all there is in life? This?” and then keep drinking scotch. It was F. Scott Fitzgerald levels of ambivalence to humanity after watching this one, folks. This was terrible.

Wiener & Wiener

Do you want to know something? I was at the grocery store and found a thing called a Grapple. It’s an apple that’s been crossbred with a grape. It’s not bad. Anyway, Weiner and Weiner is a lot like the Grapple, because it’s not bad but it’s completely strange and I have no idea what to make of it. It’s good? Bad? I don’t like it? Maybe I do? It doesn’t make any sense except it kind of does? It’s like Urban Outfitters: The Show. Not only do all the actors and actresses look like they work there, but there’s a definite and palpable feeling of the decision to forgo plot for style points.

The latest installment of our weekly web series critic column Pass The Mustard. No sugar coating, no doublespeak, no hand holding. Just brutally honest reactions from one guy: Ned Hepburn. We’ll throw a handful of web series at him each week. Agree, disagree, love him, hate him, but please don’t punch him. Got something clever to say in retort? Leave a comment below. He’ll probably read it and embarrass you later. His opinions are his own, so take them or leave them. See last week’s column here.]

POV
This College Humor series pretty aptly reminds me of college, high school and sort of every waking moment of every major meeting i’ve ever been in. Bravo, good sirs. Tada. College Humor is sort of the Scottie Pippen of bro humor. It’s might not pull Michael Jordan numbers but still deserves to be on the cover of the metaphorical box of Wheaties.

This is the latest installment of our weekly web series critic column Pass The Mustard. No sugar coating, no doublespeak, no hand holding. Just brutally honest reactions from one guy: Ned Hepburn. We’ll throw a handful of web series at him each week. Agree, disagree, love him, hate him, but please don’t punch him. Got something clever to say in retort? Leave a comment below. He’ll probably read it and embarrass you later. His opinions are his own, so take them or leave them. See last week’s column here.]

Spade

A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure style show on YouTube? This works. This works fairly well. This could work better. I’ll spare you the details on what the show is about as I’d recommend you get a feel for it yourself – but for what the show lacks in production cost it makes up for in inventiveness. The great thing about watching these web shows is that you get a sense of what it must’ve been like 100 years ago in the movie industry – a hell of a lot of 10 minute shorts that don’t make sense – some rising above others – and occasionally someone doing something new. Well, this is something new done very well on such a low budget. I’d love to see this with a major league budget, and I applaud them for their originality.

This week Obama told me that we have a lot of work to do. So let’s get right to it.

My Indie Life
Look at these two! They’re adorable! It’s like Urban Outfitters: The Show! I really like this. It’s a music talk show hybrid where “two chums talk about music” is the order of the day. It comes off like some sort of cable access show*, but it’s oddly charming. Weirdly enough, I think stuff like this is the future of music television – the world needs more of this. Even if I don’t agree with the musical taste all that much (Sweater Rock), I really dig the fact that they’re trying and at least SOUND like they know what they’re talking about. Not too shabby, you guys! Try a few risks, maybe, but if you keep at this for a while longer this jusssst might be the little music-webshow that could.

*The main presenter guy reminds me of a cross between Garth Algar and The Brave Little Toaster for reasons I just can’t explain in words. Interpretive dance, maybe, but we don’t have time for that here.

Leidy’s New Boyfriend
Not too sure about this one. Perhaps it’s the Cinemax porn music playing in the background or perhaps it’s the girl in rollerblades (I was weaned on Thrasher Magazine, y’all). I keep thinking this is going to turn into some hardcore. Sadly, it doesn’t. The actors seem pretty cool, though. Who wrote this? Do they also write Skinemax?

This is classic Film School (capital F capital S) stuff, with (sadly) laughable dialogue (FILM SCHOOL KIDS. LEARN HOW TO WRITE DIALOGUE. THE WORLD IS NOT A FRENCH NEW WAVE FILM), yet despite the actors best efforts it’s highly unbelievable and laugh out loud silly. That said, it’s shot pretty well. Ho hum.

Here’s my main gripe: In episode 5 the main dude is in chains and in a basement and you’d think that I’d give a shit but I really don’t – it’s just kind of boring. I’m going to have to pass on this. C’mon, film school kids. Stop trying to be someone else, be it David Lynch or Tarantino, and start being yourself. I’ll give props to the actor and the main actress, who seem to be bulletproof, and must be, after acting in something like this.

Jordan And Bear
Finally, a show that I’ll come back and watch again on my own accord. It’s gritty, middle-paced, and fun to watch. I don’t want to spoil any surprises so I’ll leave out the plot, but it’s very watchable. Weirdly enough they haven’t made any episodes since May of last year, which is a shame, because I like this one. Perhaps it’s just because I have a weird sense of humor. Perhaps I’m a closet Furry. Perhaps my name on Yifftalk is ‘FoxBro69′ and you’d like to chat sometime. Perhaps we drink absinthe and watch the Disney version of Robin Hood while I give you a massage in full costume. However. I digress. Not a bad show.

There’s a sort of May-December romance going on between two news outlets, and it’s kind of adorable if you’re into that sort of thing. Even the cool kids have to grow up some time, and with the recent news of the pairing between CNN and Vice, it becomes none more apparent. It happens to everyone, we get older, we all become our parents, yadda yadda yadda. But this pairing (pairing? what is this, Starbucks?) between the two makes a ton of sense for both parties. Vice is looking to branch out from just being the (self-proclaimed) hipster bible and looking to be come something a little more—how can we say— legitimate. And CNN is looking to appeal to a younger audience. I mean, Larry King, anyone? Insert dinosaur joke. That guy is old.

What’s happening is that VBS.TV, the Spike Jonze helmed internet video arm of the Vice empire, is going to be showing some of their more newsy videos on CNN.com. This is suprisingly good thinking on both of their parts: CNN has been known to be a little too self-congratulatory and Vice has been known to be a little too self-referential. Together, though, they bring the social legitimacy that both parties seem to have been aiming for the last couple of years.

This week I learned a lot about what makes web shows click. I believe that this is destiny, fate, or what have you. I have been sent here to teach you and school you in the ways of web series watching. This week we run the full gammut, from awful racist comedy to stoner sketch comedy to a (surprisingly good) comedy about a group of terrorists.

It appears we’ve come out of the baby-step stages of web shows and now the medium just needs to take the safety wheels off. I’ll be really simple right here. If you’re someone who makes web series, ask yourself these questions:

Who will watch this?
Why will they watch this? Why should I care about your show?
What will bring them back for more?
What is the focus?
Can I send lots of money to Ned so that he will give my show a great review? (answer: yes)
It seems basic, it seems sophomoric, but we’re still in the developing stages of web shows as an artistic medium. Consider me the ‘Rufus’ to your Bill & Ted. I will separate the wheat from the chaff as best I can, but until that point, here’s this weeks contenders.

Mister Chan: Misunderstood Man
This animated show focuses on Mister Chan and his Chinese restaurant and it’s racist and unfunny and two episodes in it’s boring. Sigh. I’m not looking for Citizen Kane here, people, but this just misses the mark entirely. It’s just sort of sad. It’s badly thought out, badly written, and so grossly unfunny it almost conversely becomes funny. Look, its shows like this that make people think webshows are a sub-par medium. People really need to stop making shows like this, because when The Wire of internet shows comes along (and it will) people will put it next to crap like this and as per the law of averages shitty shows like this will bring down the entire medium.

I’m all for bad jokes and vaguely racial humor but this misses the mark so entirely I had to – and I’m not making this up – take a walk around the block just to get back in the mood of watching more web shows.

Hello, everyone. Let me first just say – in the words of Tina Turner – you’re simply the best. Did you have a good Christmas (or Hanukkah! and why not?) and New Years break? Did you get what you want? Oh, me? I was in Hawaii. I went swimming with sharks. It was pretty badass. Yeah, that’s what I do when I’m blogging. That and listen to Fats Domino with my pet bulldog that can skateboard (which I don’t have hey you know what you should send me some money so I can get one there’s an original idea). That and I’m also dating Natalie Portman and 1996 Neve Campbell. Yup. That’s the bloggers lifestyle. Always be bloggin’™. That’s my motto.

Supa Pirate Booty Hunt

This is an oddly charming “Rock & Roll Pirate” flash animation show that falls somewhere between Adult Swim and full on Mel Brooks schtick. It doesn’t quite manage to do either, but this gets better while watching it continuosly. You know, if they made this a 22 minute cartoon of this, I’d totally watch it stoned on a Wednesday and enjoy it, do you know what I mean? It’s hardly Shakespeare, yet it’s Ren & Stimy-esque, and that’s a good thing. You know… the biggest problem with web shows is that they either go too niche or – even worse – they don’t know what the hell they are. This is just niche enough (stoner slapstick) to make it funny and doesn’t have an issue with itself. I like it. You should too. This wins this week.